! IRISH JOKES ! THERE ONLY JOKES ! SEX JOKES !NOT NICE JOKES BUT FUNNY!
! jokes !
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Manchester united had an eighties themed party the over week. Giggs arrived in a mini Scholes a capri and Rooney came in an escort
The red cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in pakistan I said we would love to but our hose pipe only reaches to the bottom of the garden!
Sat on train earlier opposite an Indian woman when suddenly she closed her eyes and stopped breathing. At first I thought she was dead then I noticed the red dot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
On holiday in Spain recently I saw a sign that said 'English speaking doctor'. I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our fucking country?'
Dont know what all the fuss is about,Top Cat lived in a fuckin bin for years !!!
Alex Higgins is due to be buried in a peaceful corner of a cemetery, at one side a Chinese, the other a Jamaican and in front of him a paki. A family spokesman has said he's completely snookered behind the yellow, black and brown.
Father O'Connor keeps chickens behind the church in a coop. One sunday he goes to feed them and finds the cock has gone missing. He knows there's cock fighting in the village so at mass he questions the congregation. "Has anybody got a cock?" all the men stand up, "no I meant has anyone seen a cock?" all the women stand up, "no no I meant has anyone seen my cock?" 16 alter boys, 2 priests and a goat stood up !
I've signed my dog up for benefits. I think he's eligible and got a good chance of getting it. He's black, lazy and has no fucking idea who his daddy is!
I got thrown out of a mosque in London today. Everything was pleasent and respectfull and they started to pray. I couldn't help it.... I fucking love leap frog
5 Muslims were killed in a car crash last night. Police described their condition as 'satisfactory'.
Paki dies & goes up to heaven.
Angel at the gate says "What do you want?"
Paki says "I'm here for Jesus".
Angel shouts "JESUS, HAVE YOU ORDERED A TAXI?"
Why did the Paki cross the road? To get his 20m swimming badge !
The Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari says "The big problem we have is the mopping up after the floods, All our main spongers are in the U.K.
Just done my bit for Pakistan... Fuck me, have you ever tried sticking a second class stamp on a mop..??
Apparently from space Pakistan looks like a bowl of coco pops... A charity single has been released in aid of the victims of the Pakistan flood.
Rain drops keep falling on Ahmed
Devastating news just in from Pakistan,....
it's stopped Fuckin raining!
A new dieting craze is sweeping through Pakistan its called swim fast
Just had something unusual for tea, african meatballs they were fucking fantastic in fact they were the wogs bollocks!
Just fostered a young Muslim lad ... All four cans hit him right on the back of the head!!!
I've just started selling DIY bomb making kits which are disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof !
If you're wandering what them things are making that annoying hooting noise during world cup games... They are called niggers
I walked passed a teenager hitting a Muslim with a golf club. I went upto him and took the golf club away and said "stop that, it's not right"....
"you need a wider stance and bend your fucking knees a bit"
I saw Cheryl Cole and Dawn French in the gardening department of B&Q. They were looking for new spades!
I saw a paki yesterday with three lions on his chest.... I fukin love longleat safari park !
Hold on tight for the top 6 paki jokes of the week! ... What do you call a paki who finishes a race last? Ranshit.
What do you call 3 pakis? Multi Pak.
What do you call a paki that's just arrived? Amir.
What do you call a paki Elvis impersonator? Amal Shukup.
What do you call a paki police informer? Wazim.
What do you call a paki in a skip? Rumajin.
Great, another day. I've been to the gym, had a nice hot shower and I've just picked up a bottle of home brew off a neighbour for this afternoon. I've got a few spliffs rolled up for the XBox tournament with the lads, after which I'll muck about online with some porn and gambling sites..
I fucking love prison.
Give £2 a month to a hungry african & what do they do?
Buy a fucking trumpet!
Fergies just got her birthday present from the queen..... A black Mercedes and a trip to Paris
Fallen out with someone? some one pissed you off? Want some cold & calculated revenge?. Call cumbria taxis on 01539445246 - we'll be there in a shot!.
Can you spare just £2? Ranjit is a 9 year old boy living in Pakistan. He has only one leg, one arm and one eye. He has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal. If you send us just £2 we will send you the video - it's fucking hilarious!
Being British is about driving a german car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab, to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch USA shows on a Japanese TV. And most of all being suspicious of anything Foreign. Oh and.. Only in Britain .. Can you get a pizza to your home faster than a Fucking ambulance. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the Fucking pens to the counter. Su
After being eliminated from the world cup, Algeria, Cameroon and Nigeria are expected to arrive home in England tomorrow.
A teacher goes round her class askin each of the kids wot they need at home. 1st kid: A computer.
Teacher replies "That'd be very useful".
2nd child says a car & gets a similar answer.
Finally she asks billy who answers "at my house we dont need anything." The teacher asks him 2 think carefuly as everyone needs something.
Billy replies "No I'm sure. When my sister started going out with a Paki, I remember my dad sayin "Well thats all we fuckin need...
A sign in a shop window read...
'WE WOULD RATHER SERVE 500 PAKIS THAN 1 BRITISH SOLDIER''
Who says Undertakers have no sense of humour?
A taliban deserter is dying from lack of water in the desert when he comes across a jewish market stall holder selling ties,the taliban says have u got any water ...no said the jew boy ...but would u like 2 buy a tie 4 £10..fuck off said the taliban i need water ...i should kill u but i need 2 drink first..the jew boy said i will rise above your bad behaviour and tell u where u can find water,if u walk 4.2 miles towards the sun u will find a restraunt where they serve ice cold water free of charge, off the taliban goes ,after 5 hours he comes back nearly dead and says 2 the jew boy... U cunt your brother wont let me in without a tie.
Our local bar has a new meal deal...
You get 2 beers, a muslim, a can of petrol and a box of matches
It's called...
'Two Pint's Of Lager and a Paki-To-Crisp'
Just seen a pitbull attacking a paki in the park. My girlfriend screamed at me to do something. Apparently putting a tenner on the dog to win wasn't what she meant
Police have told geordie gunman raoul moat we are taking you seriously.And your girlfriend was shagging a paki not a copper.so if you call into any police station and pick up more ammo we will give you 4 weeks head start. All fishshops in northumberland will remain closed, so there will be no fishys on yr dishys till the moat comes in.
Klu Klux Knievel failed his attempt to jump 124 niggers in his steamroller but the council thanked him for laying 388ft of tarmac complete with cats eyes!
Lewis hamilton is teaming up with mcvities to make a new racing themed biscuit. The wog n wheel is due out next week
Police in Liverpool have arrested 3 of 4 well known Scouse Islamic terrorists: Bin Snortin. Bin Dealin and Bin Thievin. there was no sign of Bin Workin..
The England team visited an orphanage in Cape Town today "it's heartbreaking to see their little faces full of sadness and no hope" ..........said Jamal aged 6.
Bloke applies to join the BNP and asks what he has to do to be accepted."You have to go out a kill 6 niggers and a rabbit" the interviewer tells him."Why have I got to kill a rabbit?" the guy replies....The interviewer shakes his hand and says... "You're in"
A skinhead stood in the dock for throwing a man off a 10 story building. Judge asks "any last words before sentancing?" "he was only a paki" he said, judge replies "thats not the point, he could of fuckin hit someone!"
A shark a crab and a scouser in a room. But who is the odd one out. The shark the other two pinch anything and wear shell suits
A nazi concentration camp commander calls an englishman, an australian and a jew into his office. He says: ' ve vill be having a cricket match' He looks at the englishman and aussie and says 'you vill be the captain of england and you vill captain australia.' Looking confused, the jew asks 'where do i fit into this' ....'you vill be the Ashes!
Paki's are like empty coke cans on the street.
They haven't done anything wrong, but every time you see one you just want to kick the fucker.
Telephone conversation.....
"Hi Mum, How are you?"
"Hi Son, where are you? I thought you were with your father at B & Q"
"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call"
"What happened?"
"Oh, I punched this African woman in the head."
"What on earth & why did you do that ?????"
"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."
Don't forget to alter your clocks this weekend. I'm putting mine back to 1920 when we had no Fucking pakis!
I just signed my dog up for Job Seekers Allowance. He should be eligible. He's black, lazy, stinks, can't speak English & has no fucking idea who his father is.
I was going through a couple of magazines down the local mosque the other day, I was really enjoying myself..... and then the rifle jammed!
Katie Price is releasing a cover of Aqua's Barbie Girl for Christmas.
I'm a Barbie Girl,
In a Barbie world,
Tits are plastic,
Son's a spastic. He can't comb his hair, he dribbles everywhere. It's fantastic, a black spastic!
Last night i found a young homeless girl hidden amomgst the bins. She was dirty and smelled terrible, but i knew under that grime was a pretty girl. I took her in and bathed her, as i towled her down i became aroused. One thing led to another and before i knew it i was frantically fucking her on the bathroom floor........at one point i was banging her so hard that you'd have thought she was still alive
Local chicken farmer is hiring staff for easter, £9 an hour. I've told him all about your experience in handling Cocks. You start tomorrow 9;00am
My Mrs asked me this morning where i was taking her for her birthday............ ...As my black eye suggests - 'up the arse' wasnt the right answer!
My wife just found out she was adopted. She was devastated, and kept asking "Why didnt they want me?". I took her in my arms and comforted her. After a while, still crying, she kissed me and asked me 2 make love 2 her, which led to even more tears, on reflection banging her up the arse & shouting "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" halfway through was a little insensitive i guess!
New from Andrex. islamic bog paper. Not only is there a picture of the prophet Mohammed on every sheet but when you wipe your arse you get to colour him in.
Next weekend, a hundred thousand pissed up englishmen are going to walk around mecca, eat pork and chant muhammad is a fucking paedophile.Carlsberg don't do marches......
On Sunday, an indian taxi driver drove his car into a crowd of 60 people outside a mosque in Bradford, killing himself and 47 Muslims. Carlsberg dont do dodgy accelerator pedals....... thank fuck toyota does!
Scotsman, Englishman, and Irishman are discussing parenthood. Scotsman: i was cleaning out my 14 year old daughters room the other day and to my horror i found cigarettes in there. Englishman: a similar thing happened to me i was putting away some clothes in my 14 year old daughters room and found a bottle of vodka, i could not believe it, i was very shocked. Irishman: my daughters 14 i couldn't believe it i was tidying her room and found condoms in her top drawer. I nearly fainted with shock, i had no idea she had a cock!
Searching for survivors after the earthquake in haiti rescuers hear a noise from a pile of rubble, a frail paki voice says "dont go.. were still open!"
Selling Bourbon Biscuits for 49p a pack? That's ASDA Price... Selling cheap plastic fire engines? That's Fisher Price... Selling pathetic rape claim stories to the Sun? That's Katie Price.
SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS:! ! ! It has been announced that next year's shirt sponsor for TIGER WOODS will be Tampax. A spokesman for Tampax said "To sponsor a cunt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about."
Snow eh! The weather girl just said she was expecting 8 inches 2night I thought to myself, 'she'll be fucking lucky with a face like that!'.
Started a new job in a record shop yesterday. A young black lad came in and asked "Do you have anything by The Doors ?".. I said " yes an alarm and two security guards so fuck off and dont even think about it you thieving nigger"
Started readin Harry Potter but i think its a bit far fetched. I can buy the fact that magic exists & that there could be such things as unicorns & wizards But a ginger kid with 2 mates? Fuck off!
Talk about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder... I recently came back from a tour of duty in Afghanistan.
Having not seen my wife for several months, I was looking forward to a night of hot passionate sex with her.
Unfortunately she came out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her head so I shot her!!
The japanese have invented a digital camera so fast it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut
The Labour Party has decided to change its logo from a rose to a condom, believing it more accurately reflects their policies.This is because a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security whilst ur being fucked!
The latest Christmas toy has just hit the shops - a talking muslim doll.
Nobody knows what the fuck it says coz no ones got the bollocks to pull the cord.
The mother of the 5 year old from oldham taken hostage in Pakistan has made an emotional appeal....... Can someone cover his shift in the shop this weekend!
Tiger Woods
Ashley Cole
John Terry
Vernon Kay
Mark Owen
What have they all got in common?
Wives who aren't trying hard enough
Two asian brothers were killed after they fell through the ice on a frozen pond in Leicester. ITV have decided 2 make a programme about their 3rd brother who escaped the ordeal. Its called,
Dan Singh on ice.
Two black mums on a bus. One says 'Is ya baby teevin yet?' The other says 'Yeah man,so far he's got me two dvd's,a mobile phone and a laptop!'
What do you call an asian in a santa suit? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A Fucking paki ! Dont let the suit fool you!
When's the only time you should wink at a muslim?--- When you're taking aim.
The red cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in pakistan I said we would love to but our hose pipe only reaches to the bottom of the garden!
Sat on train earlier opposite an Indian woman when suddenly she closed her eyes and stopped breathing. At first I thought she was dead then I noticed the red dot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.
On holiday in Spain recently I saw a sign that said 'English speaking doctor'. I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our fucking country?'
Dont know what all the fuss is about,Top Cat lived in a fuckin bin for years !!!
Alex Higgins is due to be buried in a peaceful corner of a cemetery, at one side a Chinese, the other a Jamaican and in front of him a paki. A family spokesman has said he's completely snookered behind the yellow, black and brown.
Father O'Connor keeps chickens behind the church in a coop. One sunday he goes to feed them and finds the cock has gone missing. He knows there's cock fighting in the village so at mass he questions the congregation. "Has anybody got a cock?" all the men stand up, "no I meant has anyone seen a cock?" all the women stand up, "no no I meant has anyone seen my cock?" 16 alter boys, 2 priests and a goat stood up !
I've signed my dog up for benefits. I think he's eligible and got a good chance of getting it. He's black, lazy and has no fucking idea who his daddy is!
I got thrown out of a mosque in London today. Everything was pleasent and respectfull and they started to pray. I couldn't help it.... I fucking love leap frog
5 Muslims were killed in a car crash last night. Police described their condition as 'satisfactory'.
Paki dies & goes up to heaven.
Angel at the gate says "What do you want?"
Paki says "I'm here for Jesus".
Angel shouts "JESUS, HAVE YOU ORDERED A TAXI?"
Why did the Paki cross the road? To get his 20m swimming badge !
The Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari says "The big problem we have is the mopping up after the floods, All our main spongers are in the U.K.
Just done my bit for Pakistan... Fuck me, have you ever tried sticking a second class stamp on a mop..??
Apparently from space Pakistan looks like a bowl of coco pops... A charity single has been released in aid of the victims of the Pakistan flood.
Rain drops keep falling on Ahmed
Devastating news just in from Pakistan,....
it's stopped Fuckin raining!
A new dieting craze is sweeping through Pakistan its called swim fast
Just had something unusual for tea, african meatballs they were fucking fantastic in fact they were the wogs bollocks!
Just fostered a young Muslim lad ... All four cans hit him right on the back of the head!!!
I've just started selling DIY bomb making kits which are disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof !
If you're wandering what them things are making that annoying hooting noise during world cup games... They are called niggers
I walked passed a teenager hitting a Muslim with a golf club. I went upto him and took the golf club away and said "stop that, it's not right"....
"you need a wider stance and bend your fucking knees a bit"
I saw Cheryl Cole and Dawn French in the gardening department of B&Q. They were looking for new spades!
I saw a paki yesterday with three lions on his chest.... I fukin love longleat safari park !
Hold on tight for the top 6 paki jokes of the week! ... What do you call a paki who finishes a race last? Ranshit.
What do you call 3 pakis? Multi Pak.
What do you call a paki that's just arrived? Amir.
What do you call a paki Elvis impersonator? Amal Shukup.
What do you call a paki police informer? Wazim.
What do you call a paki in a skip? Rumajin.
Great, another day. I've been to the gym, had a nice hot shower and I've just picked up a bottle of home brew off a neighbour for this afternoon. I've got a few spliffs rolled up for the XBox tournament with the lads, after which I'll muck about online with some porn and gambling sites..
I fucking love prison.
Give £2 a month to a hungry african & what do they do?
Buy a fucking trumpet!
Fergies just got her birthday present from the queen..... A black Mercedes and a trip to Paris
Fallen out with someone? some one pissed you off? Want some cold & calculated revenge?. Call cumbria taxis on 01539445246 - we'll be there in a shot!.
Can you spare just £2? Ranjit is a 9 year old boy living in Pakistan. He has only one leg, one arm and one eye. He has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal. If you send us just £2 we will send you the video - it's fucking hilarious!
Being British is about driving a german car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab, to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch USA shows on a Japanese TV. And most of all being suspicious of anything Foreign. Oh and.. Only in Britain .. Can you get a pizza to your home faster than a Fucking ambulance. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the Fucking pens to the counter. Su
After being eliminated from the world cup, Algeria, Cameroon and Nigeria are expected to arrive home in England tomorrow.
A teacher goes round her class askin each of the kids wot they need at home. 1st kid: A computer.
Teacher replies "That'd be very useful".
2nd child says a car & gets a similar answer.
Finally she asks billy who answers "at my house we dont need anything." The teacher asks him 2 think carefuly as everyone needs something.
Billy replies "No I'm sure. When my sister started going out with a Paki, I remember my dad sayin "Well thats all we fuckin need...
A sign in a shop window read...
'WE WOULD RATHER SERVE 500 PAKIS THAN 1 BRITISH SOLDIER''
Who says Undertakers have no sense of humour?
A taliban deserter is dying from lack of water in the desert when he comes across a jewish market stall holder selling ties,the taliban says have u got any water ...no said the jew boy ...but would u like 2 buy a tie 4 £10..fuck off said the taliban i need water ...i should kill u but i need 2 drink first..the jew boy said i will rise above your bad behaviour and tell u where u can find water,if u walk 4.2 miles towards the sun u will find a restraunt where they serve ice cold water free of charge, off the taliban goes ,after 5 hours he comes back nearly dead and says 2 the jew boy... U cunt your brother wont let me in without a tie.
Our local bar has a new meal deal...
You get 2 beers, a muslim, a can of petrol and a box of matches
It's called...
'Two Pint's Of Lager and a Paki-To-Crisp'
Just seen a pitbull attacking a paki in the park. My girlfriend screamed at me to do something. Apparently putting a tenner on the dog to win wasn't what she meant
Police have told geordie gunman raoul moat we are taking you seriously.And your girlfriend was shagging a paki not a copper.so if you call into any police station and pick up more ammo we will give you 4 weeks head start. All fishshops in northumberland will remain closed, so there will be no fishys on yr dishys till the moat comes in.
Klu Klux Knievel failed his attempt to jump 124 niggers in his steamroller but the council thanked him for laying 388ft of tarmac complete with cats eyes!
Lewis hamilton is teaming up with mcvities to make a new racing themed biscuit. The wog n wheel is due out next week
Police in Liverpool have arrested 3 of 4 well known Scouse Islamic terrorists: Bin Snortin. Bin Dealin and Bin Thievin. there was no sign of Bin Workin..
The England team visited an orphanage in Cape Town today "it's heartbreaking to see their little faces full of sadness and no hope" ..........said Jamal aged 6.
Bloke applies to join the BNP and asks what he has to do to be accepted."You have to go out a kill 6 niggers and a rabbit" the interviewer tells him."Why have I got to kill a rabbit?" the guy replies....The interviewer shakes his hand and says... "You're in"
A skinhead stood in the dock for throwing a man off a 10 story building. Judge asks "any last words before sentancing?" "he was only a paki" he said, judge replies "thats not the point, he could of fuckin hit someone!"
A shark a crab and a scouser in a room. But who is the odd one out. The shark the other two pinch anything and wear shell suits
A nazi concentration camp commander calls an englishman, an australian and a jew into his office. He says: ' ve vill be having a cricket match' He looks at the englishman and aussie and says 'you vill be the captain of england and you vill captain australia.' Looking confused, the jew asks 'where do i fit into this' ....'you vill be the Ashes!
Paki's are like empty coke cans on the street.
They haven't done anything wrong, but every time you see one you just want to kick the fucker.
Telephone conversation.....
"Hi Mum, How are you?"
"Hi Son, where are you? I thought you were with your father at B & Q"
"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call"
"What happened?"
"Oh, I punched this African woman in the head."
"What on earth & why did you do that ?????"
"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker."
Don't forget to alter your clocks this weekend. I'm putting mine back to 1920 when we had no Fucking pakis!
I just signed my dog up for Job Seekers Allowance. He should be eligible. He's black, lazy, stinks, can't speak English & has no fucking idea who his father is.
I was going through a couple of magazines down the local mosque the other day, I was really enjoying myself..... and then the rifle jammed!
Katie Price is releasing a cover of Aqua's Barbie Girl for Christmas.
I'm a Barbie Girl,
In a Barbie world,
Tits are plastic,
Son's a spastic. He can't comb his hair, he dribbles everywhere. It's fantastic, a black spastic!
Last night i found a young homeless girl hidden amomgst the bins. She was dirty and smelled terrible, but i knew under that grime was a pretty girl. I took her in and bathed her, as i towled her down i became aroused. One thing led to another and before i knew it i was frantically fucking her on the bathroom floor........at one point i was banging her so hard that you'd have thought she was still alive
Local chicken farmer is hiring staff for easter, £9 an hour. I've told him all about your experience in handling Cocks. You start tomorrow 9;00am
My Mrs asked me this morning where i was taking her for her birthday............ ...As my black eye suggests - 'up the arse' wasnt the right answer!
My wife just found out she was adopted. She was devastated, and kept asking "Why didnt they want me?". I took her in my arms and comforted her. After a while, still crying, she kissed me and asked me 2 make love 2 her, which led to even more tears, on reflection banging her up the arse & shouting "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" halfway through was a little insensitive i guess!
New from Andrex. islamic bog paper. Not only is there a picture of the prophet Mohammed on every sheet but when you wipe your arse you get to colour him in.
Next weekend, a hundred thousand pissed up englishmen are going to walk around mecca, eat pork and chant muhammad is a fucking paedophile.Carlsberg don't do marches......
On Sunday, an indian taxi driver drove his car into a crowd of 60 people outside a mosque in Bradford, killing himself and 47 Muslims. Carlsberg dont do dodgy accelerator pedals....... thank fuck toyota does!
Scotsman, Englishman, and Irishman are discussing parenthood. Scotsman: i was cleaning out my 14 year old daughters room the other day and to my horror i found cigarettes in there. Englishman: a similar thing happened to me i was putting away some clothes in my 14 year old daughters room and found a bottle of vodka, i could not believe it, i was very shocked. Irishman: my daughters 14 i couldn't believe it i was tidying her room and found condoms in her top drawer. I nearly fainted with shock, i had no idea she had a cock!
Searching for survivors after the earthquake in haiti rescuers hear a noise from a pile of rubble, a frail paki voice says "dont go.. were still open!"
Selling Bourbon Biscuits for 49p a pack? That's ASDA Price... Selling cheap plastic fire engines? That's Fisher Price... Selling pathetic rape claim stories to the Sun? That's Katie Price.
SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS:! ! ! It has been announced that next year's shirt sponsor for TIGER WOODS will be Tampax. A spokesman for Tampax said "To sponsor a cunt going through a bad period is exactly what our company is all about."
Snow eh! The weather girl just said she was expecting 8 inches 2night I thought to myself, 'she'll be fucking lucky with a face like that!'.
Started a new job in a record shop yesterday. A young black lad came in and asked "Do you have anything by The Doors ?".. I said " yes an alarm and two security guards so fuck off and dont even think about it you thieving nigger"
Started readin Harry Potter but i think its a bit far fetched. I can buy the fact that magic exists & that there could be such things as unicorns & wizards But a ginger kid with 2 mates? Fuck off!
Talk about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder... I recently came back from a tour of duty in Afghanistan.
Having not seen my wife for several months, I was looking forward to a night of hot passionate sex with her.
Unfortunately she came out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her head so I shot her!!
The japanese have invented a digital camera so fast it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut
The Labour Party has decided to change its logo from a rose to a condom, believing it more accurately reflects their policies.This is because a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security whilst ur being fucked!
The latest Christmas toy has just hit the shops - a talking muslim doll.
Nobody knows what the fuck it says coz no ones got the bollocks to pull the cord.
The mother of the 5 year old from oldham taken hostage in Pakistan has made an emotional appeal....... Can someone cover his shift in the shop this weekend!
Tiger Woods
Ashley Cole
John Terry
Vernon Kay
Mark Owen
What have they all got in common?
Wives who aren't trying hard enough
Two asian brothers were killed after they fell through the ice on a frozen pond in Leicester. ITV have decided 2 make a programme about their 3rd brother who escaped the ordeal. Its called,
Dan Singh on ice.
Two black mums on a bus. One says 'Is ya baby teevin yet?' The other says 'Yeah man,so far he's got me two dvd's,a mobile phone and a laptop!'
What do you call an asian in a santa suit? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A Fucking paki ! Dont let the suit fool you!
When's the only time you should wink at a muslim?--- When you're taking aim.
A black baby war given wings by god. The baby asked "does this mean im an angel?" god laughed &
said"Nigger please,ur a bat!
African boxer Niggaboo Wogchops has just returned to boxing after losing both his feet in an accident. He has
now recorded 10 wins without defeet
Big black mama goes to her doctor complaining of a sore stomach. The doctor tells her to take off all her clothes and squat in the corner. She does this. Then the doctor tells her to squat in the other corner. The woman is very puzzled, and asks the doctor "will this help my sore stomach"? The doctor replies no! I just wanted to see what 2 black leather chairs would look like in here!!
COULD YOU BE A MUSLIM??? Take this simple test and find out.
1. Do you have more wives than teeth ?
2. Do you own a $25000 rocket launcher but cant afford shoes?
3. Do you cultivate Heroin but have a moral objection to Beer?
4. Do you think vests come in two styles ? Bullet-proof & Suicide?
And most significantly
5.Do you scrape the shit off your sweaty arse with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean?!
If you answer YES to any one of these questions PLEASE DELETE MY NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE!! YA MANKY PAKI BASTARD
Nigerian boy Jonah Umbongo, walks 5 miles a day to fetch water in the deadly heat. Just £2 a month can help teach Jonah 2 read & write so he can have a better life....
WARNING: DON'T HELP HIM!
He'll then grow up, enter Britain & walk twenty miles a day putting parking tickets on your car....
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque. They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside .
The Paki's prayer: Our father who art in Leicester, Patel be thy name, thy curry come, thy stinging bum, on earth, as it is in Oldham, give us this day our daily naan, and forgive us our smell, and help those who smell us, and lead us not into employment, but deliver us all benefits. For thine is the prayer mat, the Nissan Almera, for ever & ever, AHMED.
The paki kids next door have just asked me if I want a water fight.............
just thought I'd give u a quick text while I wait for the kettle to boil..
5 years ago my holiday to Thailand was cancelled due to a tsunami - death toll 250,000. This year I had to
cancel Haiti due to an eathquake - death toll 200,000. Just booked next years holiday to Pakistan, can't wait.
3 niggers walk into a pub . . .
A thief, a rapist and a smelly cunt. . .
And thats just the 1st one!
Buckle up! Todays racist jokes are:
(1) Q. What do you call 1000 niggers in a fast flowing river? A. Blackcurrent.
(2) Q. Whats the difference between a black man and a park bench?
A. A park bench can support a family.
(3) Q. Why are aspirins white?
A. Because they work.
(4) Q. How does every ethnic joke start?
A. With a look over your shoulder.
(5) Q. What has 8 legs and a black twat?
A. The A-Team.
(6) Q. Whats the mating call of a Blackbird?
A. Stick it in me Leroy!
(7) Q. What do you call a nigger with a stutter? A. Cocoon.
(8) Q. What do you call a hundred blackmen in a field? A. The good old days.
COULD YOU BE A MUSLIM???
Take this simple test and find out.
1. Do you have more wives than teeth ?
2. Do you own a $25000 rocket launcher but cant afford shoes?
3. Do you cultivate Heroin but have a moral objection to Beer?
4. Do you think vests come in two styles ? Bullet-proof & Suicide?
And most significantly
5.Do you scrape the shit off your sweaty arse with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean?!
If you answer YES to any one of these questions PLEASE DELETE MY NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE!! YA MANKY PAKI BASTARD
Doing my bit for charity! I'm doing a stall at the church fete. I've tied a nigger to a post and I'm selling stones It's my brick-a-black stall.
said"Nigger please,ur a bat!
African boxer Niggaboo Wogchops has just returned to boxing after losing both his feet in an accident. He has
now recorded 10 wins without defeet
Big black mama goes to her doctor complaining of a sore stomach. The doctor tells her to take off all her clothes and squat in the corner. She does this. Then the doctor tells her to squat in the other corner. The woman is very puzzled, and asks the doctor "will this help my sore stomach"? The doctor replies no! I just wanted to see what 2 black leather chairs would look like in here!!
COULD YOU BE A MUSLIM??? Take this simple test and find out.
1. Do you have more wives than teeth ?
2. Do you own a $25000 rocket launcher but cant afford shoes?
3. Do you cultivate Heroin but have a moral objection to Beer?
4. Do you think vests come in two styles ? Bullet-proof & Suicide?
And most significantly
5.Do you scrape the shit off your sweaty arse with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean?!
If you answer YES to any one of these questions PLEASE DELETE MY NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE!! YA MANKY PAKI BASTARD
Nigerian boy Jonah Umbongo, walks 5 miles a day to fetch water in the deadly heat. Just £2 a month can help teach Jonah 2 read & write so he can have a better life....
WARNING: DON'T HELP HIM!
He'll then grow up, enter Britain & walk twenty miles a day putting parking tickets on your car....
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque. They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside .
The Paki's prayer: Our father who art in Leicester, Patel be thy name, thy curry come, thy stinging bum, on earth, as it is in Oldham, give us this day our daily naan, and forgive us our smell, and help those who smell us, and lead us not into employment, but deliver us all benefits. For thine is the prayer mat, the Nissan Almera, for ever & ever, AHMED.
The paki kids next door have just asked me if I want a water fight.............
just thought I'd give u a quick text while I wait for the kettle to boil..
5 years ago my holiday to Thailand was cancelled due to a tsunami - death toll 250,000. This year I had to
cancel Haiti due to an eathquake - death toll 200,000. Just booked next years holiday to Pakistan, can't wait.
3 niggers walk into a pub . . .
A thief, a rapist and a smelly cunt. . .
And thats just the 1st one!
Buckle up! Todays racist jokes are:
(1) Q. What do you call 1000 niggers in a fast flowing river? A. Blackcurrent.
(2) Q. Whats the difference between a black man and a park bench?
A. A park bench can support a family.
(3) Q. Why are aspirins white?
A. Because they work.
(4) Q. How does every ethnic joke start?
A. With a look over your shoulder.
(5) Q. What has 8 legs and a black twat?
A. The A-Team.
(6) Q. Whats the mating call of a Blackbird?
A. Stick it in me Leroy!
(7) Q. What do you call a nigger with a stutter? A. Cocoon.
(8) Q. What do you call a hundred blackmen in a field? A. The good old days.
COULD YOU BE A MUSLIM???
Take this simple test and find out.
1. Do you have more wives than teeth ?
2. Do you own a $25000 rocket launcher but cant afford shoes?
3. Do you cultivate Heroin but have a moral objection to Beer?
4. Do you think vests come in two styles ? Bullet-proof & Suicide?
And most significantly
5.Do you scrape the shit off your sweaty arse with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean?!
If you answer YES to any one of these questions PLEASE DELETE MY NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE!! YA MANKY PAKI BASTARD
Doing my bit for charity! I'm doing a stall at the church fete. I've tied a nigger to a post and I'm selling stones It's my brick-a-black stall.
A paki has been run over by a reversing car, he is still alive but only just.. . . . . . . Police are urging the driver to come forward!
A bloke starts work in a maternity Hospital. Nurse tells him to bath a newborn paki baby. She goes to check on him and hes swishing the paki baby round the bath with a stick. You dont bath a baby like that she said, he said, you do when the waters this fucking hot!
A Paki Bus Driver said to me, "I'm Jam-Pack Full." I said, "I couldn't give a fuck what your name is,I just want to get on the bus."
A little Pakistani kid said to his mum "Can I lick the bowl clean?"
"No" She said "We live in England now, flush the fucking toilet like everyone else!"
Englishman, Scot & a Paki go to work on a farm but there's only 2 beds left so one has to sleep in the stable. Englishman says he'll do it but 5 minutes later he returns saying he can't stand the smell of the donkey. The jock offers but returns 5 minutes later saying the stench is impossible to cope with. The paki takes his turn then 5 minutes later there's a knock at the door...
It's the donkey.
I hope Nigeria play Germany in the world cup. How funny will it be to see
NIG - GER in the corner of the tv screen.....in south africa too!
I saw a Paki drowning the other day and reported it to the Emergency Services.
I hope they saved him or else that was a waste of a 2nd class stamp.
A man rushes in to a bank wearing a mask and waving a gun. He grabs the loot. A brave man rips off his mask to identify him so the robber shoots him. Has anyone else seen my face. There is silence then someone shouts out. " yeah. I think that Paki over there saw you "
A pharmasist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him?"he asked his assistant."He came in 4 cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives.""U fucking idiot" said the chemist "U can't treat a cough with laxatives""Of course u can" the assistant replied"Look at him,he daren't fucking cough now!
An earthquake has hit Pakistan, 2 million Pakis have died & over 1 million are injured. The country is totally ruined & the goverment doesnt know where to start with providing help. The USA are sending troops to help, New Zealand are sending sheep, cattle & crops, Saudi Arabia are sending oil. The Brits, not to be out done, are sending 2 million replacement Pakis! God Bless Britain
Big black prostitute - chelsea fan - got a tattoo of john terry and frank lampard on inside of her thighs. She says to her punter 'if you can guess who they are you get a free shag'. He looks left and right and says 'i dunno who those ugly bastards are but the one in the middle with the fat lips and curly hair is drogba
COULD YOU BE A MUSLIM??? Take this simple test and find out.
1. Do you have more wives than teeth ?
2. Do you own a $25000 rocket launcher but cant afford shoes?
3. Do you cultivate Heroin but have a moral objection to Beer?
4. Do you think vests come in two styles ? Bullet-proof & Suicide?
And most significantly
5.Do you scrape the shit off of your sweaty arse with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean?!
Cheryl cole has shaved all her pubic hairs off.thats 2 black cunts she's got rid of this week.
During an England training session Wayne Rooney collects the ball & dribbles around Wright-Phillips, Ferdinand, Richards, Cole & finally Heskey. Fabio Capello shouts, "I said around the fucking CONES Wayne, the CONES!".
I have just applied for planning permission to build a house. It was going to be 100ft tall and 400ft wide, 9 turrets, windows everywhere, loud outside entertainment system, and would have parking for 200 cars and all this would be painted in snot green and tatty pink trim. The planning department told me to Fuck off. So i sent the application in again but this time called it a mosque. Work starts monday!
I was in the kitchen this morning making breakfast when i heard someone cry for help outside. I immediately ran out and saw a young pakistani being beaten to death by an angry mob before my eyes. Then... as one of them pulled a knife...the sheer scale of the horror hit me....
"Shit !! My toast is burning !!"
I went to my local the other day only to find a black barman. So I said give me a drink Sooty. He said that's a bit racist, come round here and see how you like it. So we swapped places and he said give me a drink you mother- fucking white honkey cunt. I said sorry mate, we don't serve niggers.
In my biology exam today i was asked to name 2 things commonly found in cells. Apparantly, Scousers and niggers is not the correct answer
I've just been banned from a Muslim clothes shop... I only asked the cunt for a bomber jacket... !
I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4000 muslims have added me as a friend!
Jordan has told her new fella that she wants an all white wedding...He said "Suits me that little fucker Harvey gives me the creeps".
Just entered the word CUNT into the sat nav just to see what would happen . . . . Put the kettle on mate, I'm outside yours!
Just got my xmas lights out, They don't half remind me of niggers, There all chained together, half of them dont work, and they look best hanging from a fuckin tree....
Just heard Jonathan ross is leaving the bbc. I was wondering what you, your three mates and the piano are going to do?
Just watched the news for the deaf about the floods. The sign language woman gave up trying to explain Cockermouth.
A bloke starts work in a maternity Hospital. Nurse tells him to bath a newborn paki baby. She goes to check on him and hes swishing the paki baby round the bath with a stick. You dont bath a baby like that she said, he said, you do when the waters this fucking hot!
A Paki Bus Driver said to me, "I'm Jam-Pack Full." I said, "I couldn't give a fuck what your name is,I just want to get on the bus."
A little Pakistani kid said to his mum "Can I lick the bowl clean?"
"No" She said "We live in England now, flush the fucking toilet like everyone else!"
Englishman, Scot & a Paki go to work on a farm but there's only 2 beds left so one has to sleep in the stable. Englishman says he'll do it but 5 minutes later he returns saying he can't stand the smell of the donkey. The jock offers but returns 5 minutes later saying the stench is impossible to cope with. The paki takes his turn then 5 minutes later there's a knock at the door...
It's the donkey.
I hope Nigeria play Germany in the world cup. How funny will it be to see
NIG - GER in the corner of the tv screen.....in south africa too!
I saw a Paki drowning the other day and reported it to the Emergency Services.
I hope they saved him or else that was a waste of a 2nd class stamp.
A man rushes in to a bank wearing a mask and waving a gun. He grabs the loot. A brave man rips off his mask to identify him so the robber shoots him. Has anyone else seen my face. There is silence then someone shouts out. " yeah. I think that Paki over there saw you "
A pharmasist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him?"he asked his assistant."He came in 4 cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives.""U fucking idiot" said the chemist "U can't treat a cough with laxatives""Of course u can" the assistant replied"Look at him,he daren't fucking cough now!
An earthquake has hit Pakistan, 2 million Pakis have died & over 1 million are injured. The country is totally ruined & the goverment doesnt know where to start with providing help. The USA are sending troops to help, New Zealand are sending sheep, cattle & crops, Saudi Arabia are sending oil. The Brits, not to be out done, are sending 2 million replacement Pakis! God Bless Britain
Big black prostitute - chelsea fan - got a tattoo of john terry and frank lampard on inside of her thighs. She says to her punter 'if you can guess who they are you get a free shag'. He looks left and right and says 'i dunno who those ugly bastards are but the one in the middle with the fat lips and curly hair is drogba
COULD YOU BE A MUSLIM??? Take this simple test and find out.
1. Do you have more wives than teeth ?
2. Do you own a $25000 rocket launcher but cant afford shoes?
3. Do you cultivate Heroin but have a moral objection to Beer?
4. Do you think vests come in two styles ? Bullet-proof & Suicide?
And most significantly
5.Do you scrape the shit off of your sweaty arse with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean?!
Cheryl cole has shaved all her pubic hairs off.thats 2 black cunts she's got rid of this week.
During an England training session Wayne Rooney collects the ball & dribbles around Wright-Phillips, Ferdinand, Richards, Cole & finally Heskey. Fabio Capello shouts, "I said around the fucking CONES Wayne, the CONES!".
I have just applied for planning permission to build a house. It was going to be 100ft tall and 400ft wide, 9 turrets, windows everywhere, loud outside entertainment system, and would have parking for 200 cars and all this would be painted in snot green and tatty pink trim. The planning department told me to Fuck off. So i sent the application in again but this time called it a mosque. Work starts monday!
I was in the kitchen this morning making breakfast when i heard someone cry for help outside. I immediately ran out and saw a young pakistani being beaten to death by an angry mob before my eyes. Then... as one of them pulled a knife...the sheer scale of the horror hit me....
"Shit !! My toast is burning !!"
I went to my local the other day only to find a black barman. So I said give me a drink Sooty. He said that's a bit racist, come round here and see how you like it. So we swapped places and he said give me a drink you mother- fucking white honkey cunt. I said sorry mate, we don't serve niggers.
In my biology exam today i was asked to name 2 things commonly found in cells. Apparantly, Scousers and niggers is not the correct answer
I've just been banned from a Muslim clothes shop... I only asked the cunt for a bomber jacket... !
I've just put a deposit down on a new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said 'I can't wait for the new 911' & now 4000 muslims have added me as a friend!
Jordan has told her new fella that she wants an all white wedding...He said "Suits me that little fucker Harvey gives me the creeps".
Just entered the word CUNT into the sat nav just to see what would happen . . . . Put the kettle on mate, I'm outside yours!
Just got my xmas lights out, They don't half remind me of niggers, There all chained together, half of them dont work, and they look best hanging from a fuckin tree....
Just heard Jonathan ross is leaving the bbc. I was wondering what you, your three mates and the piano are going to do?
Just watched the news for the deaf about the floods. The sign language woman gave up trying to explain Cockermouth.
